Unattractive people. Get a bumper sticker that says “Honk if u think I’m sexy”. Then sit at a green light until you feel better about yourself.
A man walks into the confessional after a lengthy hiatus from the church. He eagerly enters the booth and is greeted by a fully stocked bar, complete with fancy glasses, top-shelf wine, frothy Guinness, cigars, and chocolates. As if that wasn't enough, the walls are adorned with racy photos of scantily clad women. Suddenly, he hears a priest enter. The man eagerly confesses, "Father, it's been ages since my last confession, and I must say, this booth has seriously stepped up its game!" The priest snaps back, "Get out, you fool! You're on my side!"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!” “How can I help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her complaint the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven and meets St Peter at The Pearly Gates and says, “I think there must be some mistake. I was only 31 when I died, I was in the peak of physical fitness, my weight was exactly what it should be and I dropped dead while sitting in my garden, can you check and see if there’s been a mistake?” St Peter opens his book. “Ah yes,” he says. “I see the problem. We went by the hours you billed your clients and according to them you’re 128.”