Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Nobert

    Nobert



    Except that in the end they got hit by a javelin.
     
    #15541     Sep 26, 2023
    murray t turtle likes this.
  2. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

    He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

    The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

    When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

    The barber replied,

    "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does!"
     
    #15542     Sep 26, 2023
  3. zdreg

    zdreg

    [​IMG]
     
    #15543     Sep 28, 2023
  4. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    A lawyer is appearing in court.

    Off in the distance a siren is heard.

    The judge looks at the attorney with disdain and says "Mr. Smith, shouldn't you be up chasing that ambulance?"

    And the lawyer says "C'mon judge, you know very well that is a fire engine and not an ambulance."
     
    #15544     Oct 1, 2023
  5. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    A lawyer was working on the same case for 35 years. There are deliberations, court hearings and paperwork but nothing is ever resolved. 35 years!

    His son becomes a lawyer and comes to work for the practice.

    And very quickly the son settles the case and resolves it.

    The son proudly marches into his father's office and goes "Dad, I finally closed the case you have been working on for 35 years".

    And the father goes "What are you? An idiot? Who is going to pay to put your kids through college."
     
    #15545     Oct 1, 2023
    vanzandt likes this.
  6. zdreg

    zdreg

    [​IMG]
     
    #15546     Oct 1, 2023
  7. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.
    Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
    The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
    So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
    A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
    A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
    "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
    "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a ghost, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
    "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."
    "No problem," said the ghost. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
    "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the ghost asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
    "Consider it done," the ghost said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"
    "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, ghost?"
    "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have your wife."
    The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
    She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
    "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
    "I'd do the same for you!" So the ghost and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon. The ghost was insatiable.
    After about three hours of non-stop fun, the ghost looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
    "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
    ghost smile –
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    -
    "Really???
    Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in ghosts???"
     
    #15547     Oct 3, 2023
  8. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    IMG_4397.jpeg
     
    #15548     Oct 4, 2023
  9. zdreg

    zdreg

    [​IMG]
     
    #15549     Oct 4, 2023
    Nobert and gwb-trading like this.
  10. zdreg

    zdreg

    [​IMG]
    These ladies were all set for a sizzling beach photo session until the guy in the back decided to make a grand entry.

    We are not sure how many times he walked by this area of the beach (at least a hundred times?)
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2023
    #15550     Oct 4, 2023