A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week." The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week." The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and replies, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy responds, "Because I just love hearing it."
A Scottish Presbyterian is rescued after many years on a desert island. As he stands on the deck of the rescuing vessel, the captain says to him, "I thought you were stranded alone. How come I can see three huts on the beach?" - "Well," replies the castaway, "that one there is my house and that one there is where I go to church." - "And the third one?" asks the skipper. - "Oh, that's my old church."
Little tommy says to his mum "Where do babies come from mummy? "The stork brings them" she says "Oh" says tommy "Who fucked the stork?"
I tried to open a new e mail account today, When it asked me to enter a password I entered "penis" Message flashed up "PASSWORD REJECTED, TOO SHORT" I thought, how the fuck does yahoo know the size of my prick ??
Everybody knows. On the other hand, my dick is soooooooooo big: It has it's own zip code. The time my dick is on is an hour behind mine. True It has it's own hedge fund. It was with SAC, but they fired my dick, because they said one big dick was enough. My dick is so big, it has a personal assistant who sees to it 's every need, even daily personal massages. Ok, most of the time, that's me. My dick is so big, I have to check it at the door of nightclubs. I have to wear a back brace. My dick gets its own junk mail. Again, true. Check my inbox. I shop for my dick at Petsmart. In the cold weather, it likes to wear those crocheted vests with the hat. My dick is soooooo big, when I used "mybigdick" as a password on Yahoo, the response was "Yes Sir". PS. I will be withdrawing (pun intended) from the Presidential Campaign this afternoon.
Cold War History It is not widely known, but, back in the 80s, the Soviet Propaganda Anegcy contacted an American condom manufacturer and ordered 10 crates of 24-inch condoms "for use by the Soviet Special Forces." The issue was escalated to the State Department, because of the potential impact on how the world perceived our chief rival power, and James Baker himself brought it to Ronald Reagan's attention. The Great Communicator took but an instant to solve the problem: "Tell them to fill the order and stamp the crates 'Size - Medium.'"
you think that's something. I was rejected by selective service for flat feet, but my dick went to West Point. 3rd in it's class, btw.
no nomination for you. Funny though. Can someone direct me to the "Politically Correct Joke Thread", AKA the "Unfunny Joke Thread"?