"Alexa, where's my dad?" "Your dad is in a Strip Club in Las Vegas" "HA-HA! GOTTCHA ALEXA! MY DAD IS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME" "Your mom's husband is sitting right next to you. Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas"
A man with no arms and no legs is sunbathing on the beach A beautiful woman walks over to him and says “awww you poor thing! I bet you’ve never been hugged before have you?” He replies: “well, no actually I haven’t!” She leans over and gives him a big hug. “I bet you’ve never been kissed before either, have you?” she asks. Once again he replies: “no, no I haven’t!” and she leans over and gives him a kiss. Finally, she asks: “have you ever been fu***d?” He says “no, no I haven’t!!” And she says “well you are now, the tides coming in!!”
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What? At your age, I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother.