Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. easymon1

    easymon1

    delete.jpg
     
    #15271     Dec 20, 2022
  2. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

    “After a considerable period of grieving,” he says, “I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

    “If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

    “We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I guess so.”

    “If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”

    “Well, the bed is brand-new. It’s going to last a long time. I guess she would.”

    “If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

    “Oh, no,” the husband replies,…

    “She’s left-handed.”
     
    #15272     Dec 20, 2022
  3. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “I’m telling you, I know everyone there is to know.

    Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

    His boss was tired of hearing him boast and decides to call his bluff.

    “OK, Dave, how about Elon Musk?”

    “Oh, Elon and me go way back, and I can prove it.”

    So Dave and his boss fly out to Texas and knock on Elon Musk’s door, and Elon shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”

    Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Musk’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Elon was just lucky.

    “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.

    “Bill Gates,” his boss quickly retorts.

    “Yup,” Dave says, “Bill and I are old buddies. Let’s fly out to California,” and off they go.

    At the Microsoft offices, Bill Gates spots Dave and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but come on in with your friend, let’s have a beer first and catch up.”

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the Microsoft offices, he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again asks him to name anyone else.

    “Pope Francis,” his boss replies.

    “Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd, headed towards the Vatican.

    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

    His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?’”
     
    #15273     Dec 20, 2022
    Nobert and FortuneTeller like this.
  4. Not sure why, but this one cracked me up. :)
     
    #15274     Dec 21, 2022
    Nobert and easymon1 like this.
  5. Nobert

    Nobert

     
    #15275     Dec 21, 2022
  6. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    Santa-lapland.jpg
     
    #15276     Dec 21, 2022
  7. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    Fireball-candle.jpg
     
    #15277     Dec 22, 2022
  8. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    Hell-freezes-over-tomorrow.jpg
     
    #15278     Dec 23, 2022
  9. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    Dog-stuck-firehydrant.jpg
     
    #15279     Dec 23, 2022
  10. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    Just opened my Chinese fortune cookie.

    Side 1:
    Winning Numbers
    05 10 14 22 51 18

    Side 2:
    You shortly will become a great philanthropist.
     
    #15280     Dec 23, 2022