Three little boys were at school, bragging about how fast their fathers were. The first little boy says, “My Daddy drives race cars, and goes over 200 miles an hour!” The second little boy says, “That’s nothin’. My Daddy flies jet airplanes faster than the speed of sound!” The third little boy says, “I got you both beat. My Daddy’s a Government employee.” The other two boys are confused. “A Government employee - how is that faster than a race car driver or a jet pilot?” The third little boy says, “Well he is meant to work until 5pm each day, but he always gets home before 3:30!”
A Russian soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.” The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked: “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.” The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls too. I don't want to go to Ukraine either."