Lying on his deathbed, a loving husband was wavering between life and death when he thought he smelled chocolate chip cookies baking. They were his very favorite, so he dragged himself out of bed, crawled to the kitchen and was just reaching up to take a cookie off the plate when his wife slapped his hand with a spatula. "Don't touch!" she commanded. "They're for the funeral."
A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home - you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50." The next day, someone stole it.
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date. “Mummy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?” “Honey, you’re not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replies. “It’s not very polite.” “Oh, okay,” the little girl says. “What color was your hair two years ago?” “Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions and aren’t any of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?” “Honestly! That’s enough questions!” the mother says. Exasperated, the mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. “My Mum won’t tell me anything about herself,” the little girl says to her friend. “Well, all you need to do is look at her driver’s licence,” the friend says. “It’s like our report cards, it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.” The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?” “I also know that you used to have brown hair.” The mother is shocked now. “How in Heaven’s name did you find that out?” “And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I also know why you and Daddy got a divorce.” “Oh really!” the mother says. “Why?” The little girl replies, “It’s all on your driver’s licence and you got an ‘F’ in sex.”
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road, lose control, and plow into the back of a gravediggers truck. The gravedigger pulls himself out of his truck and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them right there on the spot, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. "Sheriff," he says, "Terrible accident I just had." "Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them." The Sheriff says, "What? You went ahead and buried them already? Are you sure they were dead?" The Gravedigger shrugs, "Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie."
And do you know why he buried those lawyers 12 feet deep rather that the conventional 6 feet? Because deep down, they’re really not that bad.
%% LOL Business man asks for a raise , because he said 2 companies were after him. He got the raise , then his boss asked ''what 2 companies?'' Water co + power co