So here's my dream. I doing standup at the White House during the Hillary Clinton Presidency, and all the dignitaries are there. "So, anyway, There's Bill, with his dick in an ugly woman's mouth........ Stop me Hillary if you've heard this one......"
Black and White (Under age 40? You won't understand.) You could hardly see for all the snow. Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go. Pull a chair up to the TV set. "Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet." My mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning. My mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli . Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then. The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system. We all took gym, not PE.. and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym. Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything. I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed! We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat. We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck. To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that? We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?
Good post Yannis. I thought they were good times and a great way to grow up, many from that era are in positions of power and members of Congress, maybe they were the kids we picked on.
She was so ugly: that when she was born, the Doctor slapper her mother. when she went to the dentist, he capped her face. when she went to the proctologist, he stuck his finger in her mouth. the only guy who thinks she's a ten sells shoes. when she went camping, the bears built a fire to keep her away. in Church they put her behind curtains, even when she wasn't confessing. Why, she was so ugly, that men looked at her twice. Nobody could believe it at first. why she had a beauty so rare, no one could find it. at therapy, they make her lie face down. She once got "the Seal of Approval." Then, the seals complained. She was a cheerleader, but only for one game. She grazed at halftime. I mean, she was ugly. She didn't invent it, but she had the local distributorship. men couldn't forget her. Oh, how they tried. Nobody ever saw anything like her w/o paying an admission. One time, she walked into the bank. The manager shut off the camera. another time, she was in an accident. The Cop asked his Sargeant, "whadda we do with the wreck?" The Sgt replied, "Well, get her statement, I guess. Then, we'll have to drive her home." Ba da friggin' Boom.
Dr Stu Nata chronicles Beagle prozac patient. I am a misfit, my name is Mia and I am an underemployed Beagle. I am horrified at doing indoor work while I have a college degree in sniffing bunny tracks outdoors. "These people don't know who I really am, how much better I am than this." Which, of course, meant better than they are (at least at sniffing bunny tracks). I am not too old and too smart to be doing so little; fighting pride and snobbery while licking counters, waiting for table scraps to fall on the floor and chewing shoe. The other night I stood on the couch gazing out the window, the weather and passing traffic made me feel vulnerable, and I threw a little tantrum (pissed on the floor). I was so ready to run away. Who did they think they are, expecting some 38-year-old (7 in dog years) Beagle to risk her neck chasing a dollar store tennis ball? I want Rabbit.
I'm so pissed. Heath Ledger died before tellling me who to vote for and how big my carbon footprint was.
Anyone know how to clean a carbon foot print out of my carpet? Thanks for asking Nutmeg, I recommend carefully cutting out the affected area, lift off gently and throw away soiled spot. "You're a genius." "I know"