A mathematician, an accountant and a politician apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies, "Four." The interviewer asks, "Are you certain?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question, "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant says, "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the politician and poses the same question. "What does two plus two equal?" The politician gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says, "What would you like it to equal?"
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"