The day after her husband disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage woman answered her door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mrs. Wilkens, but we have some information about your husband," said one trooper... "Tell me! Did you find him?" Mrs. Wilkens asked. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mrs. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, Ma'am, but this morning we found your husband's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Mrs. Wilkens. Swallowing hard, she asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled him up, he had 8 twenty-five pound king crabs and 4 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to him and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mrs. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper said, "We're going to pull him up again tomorrow."
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" She answered, "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be." "Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me." "Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up." "Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver." "Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method." "Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not." "Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it." "Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it." "Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it." " Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God, I miss him!" She concluded. "But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get really screwed!
Robert, who is 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new, but aged husband, may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her door, and it's Robert. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. Jenny is set to go to sleep again, but, you guessed it, Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 year old, ready for more 'action'. Once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert." Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says, "You mean I was here already?"