Husband looks at his wife in surprise, "Wow darling, you look all different and nice today! Is that a new hairdo?" The wife hisses from behind him, "I’m over here, Steve!"
News reporters visit a hen about a shockingly huge egg she laid recently. “This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of! Do you have any goals for the future?” “Yes, I’m really aiming for a four pounder!” says the hen proudly. “And you, sir, congratulations,” the reporters approach the rooster, “what are your goals for the future?” The rooster replies darkly, “To beat up that darn ostrich!
A man comes home and yells joyfully: “Honey I won the Lotto! Pack your things for a nice big vacation!” She asks: “Awesome! Should I pack for warm or cold weather?” Man beams: “I don’t care. Just be on your way already!”
The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at 1 am. “What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer. “I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol’,” replies the man. “Are you pulling my leg or something?!“ says the police officer, "who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?!” The man sighs, “my wife.”
Priest: Jezus, why did you give ears to the people as they don't use them to listen? Jezus: In 2020 there will be a pandemic. Priest: Will people listen then? Jezus: No. Priest: Why did you give them then ears? Jezus: They will need them to wear their masks.