A woman went shopping... At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse: He could not control his curiosity and ask. “Do you always carry your TV remote with you?” She replied. “No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of a football match, so I took the remote." *Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies…..* The story continues…. The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that the lady had purchased. Shocked at this act. She asked the cashier what he was doing. He said. “Your husband has blocked your credit card.” *MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.* Story continues…. Wife took out her husband’s credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately, he didn’t block his own card. *Moral: Don’t underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..* Story continues…. After swiping, the machine indicated, ‘ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE’. *Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!* Story continues…. She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse. It was her husband’s phone showing the forwarded SMS. She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn’t call her during her shopping. She bought her items and returned home happily. *Moral: Don’t underestimate a desperate woman!* Story continues…. On getting home, his car was gone. A note was lying on the table. “Couldn’t find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. I will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need anything”. *Moral: Don’t try to control your spouse. You will always lose!*
Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her “pig.” The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a “pig.” Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a “pig.” “Dave, I’m giving you a chance to walk away scot-free. However, you can no longer call Ms. Johnson a ‘pig.’ Understood?” “Well… that doesn’t seem fair- “ “-We can let this go to trial, you can spend thousands on lawyers, but if Ms. Johnson’s attorneys can prove to call her a ‘pig’ leads to emotional damage, you’ll end up owing a lot.” Dave paused. “OK, fine. Can I call a pig ‘Ms? Johnson’?” The judge looked over his notes. “Yes… you may call a pig ‘Ms. Johnson’ without fear of legal recourse.” Dave turned to Peggy and said “Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson.”
A Real Texan A Texan is drinking in an Israeli bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. After he hangs up the phone, he orders drinks for everybody in the bar because his wife has just produced a baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average in Texas, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy." Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born." The Texan takes a slow swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans towards the bartender, and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. “Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer. “Oh, I still love him,” she replied, “but all he ever wants is make love, I can’t take it anymore.” “Instead of divorcing him, why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested. The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her. “Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.” “Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.” The wife began walking to the bedroom. “Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”