Shop assistant: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on? Psychic: I'm a medium. -- Just bought a suit made from cactus. I look pretty sharp in it. ---- Might wake up early and go for a jog. Might also win the lottery... Odds are about the same. ^ All from this guy...........https://twitter.com/DadsPuns
Eavesdropping A bus stopped, and 2 Italian men got on. They sat down and engaged in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives." "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell "Mississippi'."