An elderly Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Pop, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie
A teacher asked her class how many of them were Bernie Sanders fans. Not really knowing what a Bernie Sanders fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different … again. Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not a Bernie Sanders fan.’ The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you a Bernie Sanders fan?’ Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Conservative.' The teacher asked him why he's a Conservative. Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Conservative and my Dad's a Conservative, so I'm a Conservative.' Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked: 'If your Mom was a Moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?’ Little Johnny replied, 'A Bernie Sanders fan.'
‘It was a long journey of pain but also self-discovery. Now I’m focused on making my dream real, working during the day and attending classes at night to prepare for auditions. Hey, do you know the most popular question I get asked as an aspiring actress?’ ‘No, what?’ ‘Can I have an espresso and a muffin please?’
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in down town Dublin, when a car full of rowdy drunks pulls up along side them. "Hay , show us yer teets, you bloody penguins! " shouts one of the drunks. Quit shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculeta, "I don't think that they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Immaculeta rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off ya fooken' wankers before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculeta then rolled up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asked, "Did that sound cross enough?"