While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It’s essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the man, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “You bake with Homepride, don’t you?” The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I’ll stop right here.
Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: “When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times.” The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: “Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.” The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and f*uck the cat.”
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. “These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?” A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
Wife: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Wife: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Wife: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip Wife: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Wife: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct? Man: Correct Wife: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct Wife: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Wife: No Man: Where is your Ferrari?