Miss Kentucky > > Miss Kentucky This is the new > Miss Kentucky. The picture that will stay with her for the > rest of her life: > > Make-up and hair style ................... > $500 > > New dress for the > show ..................$700 > Giant stuffed bear > ............................ > $300 Not knowing how to hold the bear > with a microphone in her hand > ....Priceless!!!
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!" The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...." They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Judy Wallman Trump, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that President Donald Trump's great, great uncle, Remus Trump, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and President Trump share this common ancestor. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory. On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: *“Remus Trump, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.”* So Judy recently e-mailed the President for information about their great, great uncle, Remus. Believe it or not, President Trump's staff sent this response back. *Remus Trump was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”* Now THAT is how it's done, Folks, in politics!
This is an adaptation of an older joke originated with democrat political figures, then recycled several times. If you laughed at any of its versions, you should go check your head.
A guy was walking down the beach and finds a brass lamp. He rubs it and a Genie appears and says, "What is your wish?" The guy thinks and then says, "Eternal Life." The Genie says, "That is the one wish I cannot grant." The guy thinks again and says, "I would like to live until congress will put aside party affiliations and egos and just work together for the benefit of the American citizen." The Genie looks at the guy and says, "You crafty SOB!"