Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Made in China, just wtf are they thinking?
    -No surprise here!
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    #14021     Apr 25, 2017
  2. Handle123

    Handle123

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    #14022     Apr 30, 2017
  3. Handle123

    Handle123

    Lemon Picker


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    Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.



    Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.



    The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

    "Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said: "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers and I voted twice for Obama."



    She starts work in the morning.
     
    #14023     Apr 30, 2017
    gwb-trading likes this.
  4. Haircut.jpg
     
    #14024     May 1, 2017
    gwb-trading likes this.
  5. After a long nite of making love..
    the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman's nitestand by the bed.He begins to worry. Is this your husband? he nervously asks. No silly, she replies, snuggling up to him.Your boyfriend then? he continues.No.. not at all, she says nibbling away at his ear.Is it your dad or your brother?, he inquires hoping to be reassured.No.. no.. no! You're so hot when you're jealous!, she answers.Well.. who in the hell is he then?, he demands.She whispers in his ear.. That's me before the surgery...

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    Secret to a long Marriage

    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' Hadn't gone a half- mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead. I started to yell at her for her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said 'That's once."

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    An older lady gets pulled over for going 70mph in a 35mph zone ...

    Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

    Older Woman: Oh, I see.

    Officer: Can I see your license please?

    Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

    Officer: Don't have one?

    Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

    Older Woman: I can't do that.

    Officer: Why not?

    Older Woman: I stole this car.

    Officer: Stole it?

    Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

    Officer: You what?

    Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.

    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

    Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

    Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

    Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a drivers license.

    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

    Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was going 70 in a 35, too.
     
    #14025     May 2, 2017
  6. [​IMG]
     
    #14026     May 2, 2017
  7. Buy1Sell2

    Buy1Sell2

    In a bit
     
    #14027     May 3, 2017
  8. #14028     May 6, 2017
  9. Does anyone still sell Mary Kay?

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    #14029     May 6, 2017
  10. [​IMG]
     
    #14030     May 6, 2017