A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they\'re sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. \"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.\" So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it .... in one second the sharp lime taste hits... at two seconds the Baileys curdles... at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend. She smiles widely at him and says, \"So, how did you like it? It\'s called Blow Job\'s Revenge!\"
Since they started a "masturbation" thread, got me thinking...... know why the head of your dick is bigger than the shaft?? So your hand doesn't fly off and hit you in the face.
I agree - let's stick to the jokes... Definition 1: "joke (jôk) n. Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line. A mischievous trick; a prank. An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation. Informal. Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality: The accident was no joke. An object of amusement or laughter; a laughingstock: His loud tie was the joke of the office." Hmmm, your post just doesn't seem to fit any of the above definitions of a joke... Definition 2: "taste·less(tstls) adj. 1. Lacking flavor; insipid. 2. Not having or showing good taste." This fits pretty well... Denition 3: "unamusing IN BRIEF: adj. - Not funny." As does this. BTW, since we're on the topic of definitions, let's look closer at yours... You highlighted ridicule as what you were attempting to do: Definition 4: "rid·i·cule (rĭd'ĭ-kyûl') n. Words or actions intended to evoke contemptuous laughter at or feelings toward a person or thing: âI know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weaponâ (Dorothy Parker). tr.v., -culed, -cul·ing, -cules. To expose to ridicule; make fun of." So by your own hand you show that you were inteding on evoking laughter by showing a picture of the torture methods. Now while most people may already feel contempt for Al-Qaeda, IMHO only very sick individuals can laugh at their torture methods for any reason or in any way knowing that they are using them daily on real people, and that the illustrations are meant to teach these methods, and that they're not just showing off their artistry. So again, I agree, let's stick to the jokes and please take the time to read the definition of a joke above as many times as necessary until you actually understand the concept. You might also consider reading the entire 2 joke threads for some examples as there are some really good jokes in them that you could learn from. Given your starting point, you may need to read these threads a few times as well. Sincerely, MPO
Meanwhile back at the masturbation ranch. The old man heard his son masturbating and said "You'd better stop that or you'll go blind." His son replied, "Hey Dad, I'm over here"
It's the final of the 50 meters swimming contest in the disabled olympics. There are three finalists. One has no arms. The second has only one arm and one leg on the same side of his body. The third is just a head. The gun goes off, and they get into the water. The guy with no arms thrashes his legs furiously, and wins the race. The one armed, one legged man swims around in ever increasing circles, until he too crosses the finishing line. The head however is nowhere to be seen. Concerned, the organisers send in rescue divers, who locate the head at the bottom of the pool, and pull him to safety. As he reaches the surface, he coughs and splutters then says "Thanks guys. It's never happened to me before, I got cramps in both ears."
The old man heard his son masturbating and said "You'd better stop that or you'll go blind." His son replied, "Couldn't I just do it till I need glasses?"
I spotted an older woman at a bar last night. She was not too bad for 57. We drank a bit, got a little frisky & she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter 3 some? I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. We went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?" :eek: