“Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?” - “No, not a soul, actually.” - “Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Wow! ... Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. Now the idiot's turn. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and immediately searches very hard on the Internet for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5. Admitting he doesn't know the answer either.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class the first day by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see only you standing there, all by yourself!"
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied, “That would be fine with me.” Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Physician responses to the new American Healthcare Act - a/k/a Trumpcare The medical community is unable to reach consensus on what to do with America's health insurance situation. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.