I made cookies for you. It is an apology because I crashed your new car. - YOU DID WHAT?! - Cookies. I made cookies for you.
I’m the living proof that women are good at multitasking. ( Linda, 33 – many times can park at two parking spots at once. )
You’re so cute! - Thanks. - I really wish there was something between us. - Yeah, me too. Like a tall wall.
My wife and I have been married for 43 years and we've never even thought about a divorce. (Murder, yes. But divorce, no.)
I heard Microsoft bought Skype for 8.5 billion USD. Bimbos… why didn’t they just download it like everyone else?
In a bakery: Man to the shop assistant: “I’ll have that thing there, please.” Shop assistant: “Cupcake?” Man: “OK, Cupcake, I’ll have that thing there, please.”
Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair? - Wife: Michael, I’m over here!
I hate it when I run out of toilet paper and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.