Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. vanzandt

    vanzandt

    Just keep in mind this was on live radio....
    On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked three very personal questions and the significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners.

    This particular day it got interesting:

    DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"?

    Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.

    DJ: What is your name? First name only please.

    Contestant: Brian.

    DJ: Are you married or what Brian?

    Brian: Yes.

    DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married" or what, Brian?

    Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married.

    DJ: Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what is your wife's name? First only please, Brian.

    Brian: Sara.

    DJ: Is Sara at work Brian?

    Brian: She is gonna kill me.

    DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work?

    Brian: (laughing) Yes she is.

    DJ: All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?

    Brian: She is gonna kill me.

    DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man.

    Brian: About 8 this morning.

    DJ: Atta boy.

    Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well...

    DJ: Number 2: How long did it last?

    Brian: About 10 minutes.

    DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No one would ever have said that if it there weren't a trip at stake.

    Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice.

    DJ: Okay, final question: where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?

    Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm...

    DJ: This sounds good Brian; where was it?

    Brian: Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time.

    DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy!

    Brian: On the kitchen table.

    DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times I have done it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.(Advertisements)

    DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara, shall we? (touch tones...*ringing*)

    DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere? Clerk: This is she.

    DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now.

    Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours?

    DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, soooooooo, do you know the rules of "Mate Match"?

    Sara: No.

    DJ: Good.

    Brian: (laughing)

    Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to?

    Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, Okay? Sara: Oh, Brian.

    DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World.

    Sara: All right.

    Brian: (laughing)

    DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara?

    Sara: Oh God, Brian...this morning before Brian went to work.

    DJ: What time?

    Sara: About 8, I think. (sound effect) DING DING DING.

    DJ: Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last?

    Sara: Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, 14 minutes I think DING DING DING.

    DJ: Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood.

    DJ: Last question: where did you do it?

    Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!

    Brian: Just tell him honey.

    DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara?

    Sara: Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and...

    DJ: SHE SAW?!?!

    Sara: BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!

    Brian: NO, no she didn't.

    DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. Your answer?

    Sara: Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this.

    Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Florida.

    DJ: Let's go Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?

    Sara: In the ass. (long pause)

    DJ: We will be right back. (advertisements)

    DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.
     
    #13821     Dec 26, 2016
    Handle123 likes this.
  2. fhl

    fhl

     
    #13822     Dec 27, 2016
    traderob and Optionpro007 like this.
  3. [​IMG]
     
    #13823     Dec 27, 2016
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    #13824     Dec 29, 2016
  5. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    [​IMG]
     
    #13825     Dec 29, 2016
    Optionpro007 likes this.
  6. [​IMG]
     
    #13826     Dec 30, 2016
  7. fhl

    fhl

    [​IMG]
     
    #13827     Dec 30, 2016
  8. Handle123

    Handle123

    upload_2016-12-31_11-44-59.png
     
    #13828     Dec 31, 2016
  9. Handle123

    Handle123

    This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

    John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan ..

    They spenta great evening chatting the night away, The next morning,John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs,and toast.

    However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,“Grandfather, are these plates clean?”

    His grandfather replied,“They’re as clean as cold water can get ‘em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”

    For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

    Again, John was concerned about the plates,as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,“Are you sure these plates are clean?”

    Without looking up the old man said,

    'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

    Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

    John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

    Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
    'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'





    Meet Coldwater


    upload_2016-12-31_11-49-6.png
     
    #13829     Dec 31, 2016
  10. Handle123

    Handle123

    If this does not touch your heart then you do not have one.


    upload_2016-12-31_11-53-30.png

    Can you believe it?

    This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.

    Talk about LUCK!

    And I bet she is a trader too.
     
    #13830     Dec 31, 2016