The Chess Enthusiasts A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
Stephen Hawking believes mankind will not make it through another 1000 years on Earth which means I've wasted money on "forever" stamps.
Two rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them collapses. The guy doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are all glazed over so the other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the 911 emergency services. He gasps into the phone..."My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "OK ok... now calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a moment of silence and then a loud shot is heard. The guy gets back on the phone and says... "OK, now what?"
A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft to the left, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5ft to the right, the statistician yells “We got him!”
Two race horses are standing at the bar talking. One says to the other "how ya doin?"...the other replies, "Ahhh....pretty good...the other day I was in a race and at the last minute I get this surge of energy and don't ya know... I won the race by one length. How are you doing"? "Not too bad really, I was in a race yesterday also and just like you at the last minute I get this surge of energy and don't ya know...I won the race by one length". This greyhound walks up to the two horses and says, "'Scuse me but I couldn't help but overhear you guys. Just today I was in a race and at the last minute I got a big surge of energy and I won by one length". One horse looks at the other and says, ...."WELL FUCK ME, A TALKIN' DOG!!!"