In defense of blonds......., Blond Men A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." —————————————————— A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" ———————————————— A blond man is in jail; the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself", the blond replies. "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that", he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe". —————————————————— An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." ——————————————————— A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year". The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th". —————————————————— Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." —————————————————— A woman phoned her blond neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!"
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?" She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!" He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom." She didn't jump.
I'm hoping to die like my grandfather did, in his sleep, and not screaming for their lives like his passengers were.
How many online forum group members does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. 3 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 2 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp". 1 know-it-all that claims *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct. 3 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 1 to suggest that posters check the light bulb FAQ. 1 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 1 to flame the OP with "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs". And lastly....1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now......... and start it all over again.
A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills area in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the mouth, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. And I yelled, "Now, back off! Or I'll kick the @#$% out of all of you!" St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?" "Just a few minutes ago..."