Perhaps in-temperate - found blotto on the floor in the boozer in-animate - as above in-active - well I was watching the Olympics in-carnate - don't know what that word means in-capable - still in the boozer in-articulate - long words confuse me in-deed - did some last week in-sufferable - so the girl friend says in-tolerable - she is getting out the baseball bat again
Two ladies exchanging notes in heaven: 1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman : Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die? 1st woman : I froze to death. 2nd woman : How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer......we'd both still be alive.
Two patients limp into two different doctors' offices with the same complaint: Both have trouble walking and may require hip surgery. Patient 1 is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, and has a time booked for surgery the following week. Patient 2 sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week, and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then, pending the review board's decision on his age and remaining value to society. Why the different treatment for the two patients? The FIRST is a Golden Retriever taken to a vet. The SECOND is a Senior Citizen. In November, if there is no change in government, we'll all have to find a good vet.
THE CYCLE of LIFE Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY other to California. Every ten years they agree tomeet in Chicago and play golf. They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts. The legs..." "OK." Ten years later at 40 they play. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games." "OK." Ten years later at 50. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "The food is good and there's plenty of parking." "OK." At 60 - "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Wings are half price." "OK" At 70 - "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door." "OK." At 80 - "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "I don’t think we’ve been there before” --