This young man all his life wanted to shoot a duck, so for his 21st birthday he bought a shotgun and went hunting. A few minutes later a duck flew over his head and he pulled the trigger aiming at the duck. The duck ended up falling in another man's yard who happened to be a lawyer. As he reached to pick the duck up the lawyer ran out of his house and said, "Leave that duck alone." That's my duck the younger man explained. He told him how much the duck really meant to him and told him that he would be willing to have a contest to see who wins the duck. He explained that the rules are as follows. Each man would kick the other in the balls and whoever gave up first, the other man would win the duck. The lawyer agreed, and the young man was first to kick the lawyer in the balls. The young man got a running start and kicked lawyer for all he was worth. The lawyer was in so much pain that passed out. Upon waking up, he told the young man now it's my turn. The young man looked at him and smiled. He replied, "Fuck it," take the damn duck.
Not a Joke, but worth the share. Part 1 Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder. Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well Not only was the money big, but also Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars and a good education. Nothing was withheld.. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name and a good example.. One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. He testified anyway. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion and a poem clipped from a magazine.. The poem read: The clock of life is wound but once And no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop At late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still. Part 2 World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold, a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2. SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER? Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.
Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no". The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team down to the bat boy." Bill hesitates but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him "The fans would love it!" Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Oooh - KAY!! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly baby." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you "!^$#@&!". The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks,"What's wrong?" The agent replies, "Sir, ...I said they wanted you to throw out the First Pitch!"
There are important questions to be answered about this bathroom legislation and transgenders being able to use a restroom of the gender that they "identify" with. · Will public restrooms be required to have a Genital Inspection Station posted at the entrance to all public restrooms? · Who will have to pay these Pecker Checkers? The people using the restroom, or the entity that owns the restroom? · And how much money will a Pecker Checker be paid to check peckers? · Or, do we pay a Pecker Checker by the number of peckers checked by each Pecker Checker? · How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a Pecker Checker could check peckers? · What has this country come to when the U.S. Department of Labor has to create a new job description of Politically Correct Restroom Service Inspectors?
The Kneeling High Jump! Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position? The record 3 feet 7 inches- remember this is from a KNEELING position and was set recently on a beach near Edgartown, MASS. The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump . but it gives you an idea how it was achieved: I've always enjoyed sports trivia!!!
I believe this is a 4th Amendment issue: "Amendment IV The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects (including pants !!), against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized." So, don't hold high hopes for a Pecker Checker job / position ...
MY TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2016.. I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there , thanks to my children, friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much onphysical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.