A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family Pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited For you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girl friend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no Idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was THE pharmacist."
Pizza shop staff: How many pieces do you want to cut it, 12 or 8? Lady customer: Oh no, not 12! Too many I can't eat so many! 8 just fine, I can finish all!
Do you realize that if Bernie Sanders wins, it will be the first time that a Jewish family moved into public housing that was left vacant by a black family? ~Jay Leno
WINDOWS Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER 50fuckingboiledcabbages WINDOWS Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER ReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS Sorry, that password is already in use.
So you assholes think you're bad now because you jumped me!?? ....I pulled up to MY house, got out of the car and was immediately attacked. They hit me in my face, my arms and my neck. I fought hard as I could, but there was too many of them. I kept thinking if I can just get in my house I'm going to KILL them all....swinging all the way to my door, I was running and hoping I didn't drop my keys. The streets are one thing but attacking me at MY house...in front of my family?!!! OH HELL NO!!! ALL of you are going to die tonight. I get in my house and grab my weapon and I prayed for strength...braced myself and went back outside. They came at me again ...but this time I was ready. I sprayed them all......... DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!...I was so mad.......I hate mosquitoes!!!!
A teacher asked her 4th grade class how many of them were Hillary Clinton fans. Not really knowing what a Hillary Clinton fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny… The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different (again). Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not a Hillary Clinton fan.” The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Hillary Clinton ?” Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.” The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.” Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your dad was an moron, what would that make you?” “That would make me a Hillary Clinton fan".
Try this after a few beers... Amazing Tightrope Performance - http://www.ba-bamail.com/video.aspx?emailid=18919&source=share3#.V4MZ57qC9yA.gmail
THIS WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOUR DAY… https://www.facebook.com/darren.kendrick.18/videos/10153991752484993/?fref=nf
Did you know there are four kinds of orgasms? THere is the positive kind- "Oh yeah" THere is the negative kind- "oh no" there is the religious ones- "oh God" and there are the fake ones... "Oh Handle123"