Green Shoes at the Masters Whether you're a golfer or not, these are AWESOME shoes! Nike now markets Green Shoes fashioned for spectators first seen at the 2015 Masters Tournament The Shoes, Look at the Shoes!! Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time sending anything to you!
Hunting in Minnesota Lyle was hunting geese up north in Minnesota. He leaned his old 12 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak As luck would have it, his Labrador dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven. "Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos is dat you’re going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, an dere was very little internal bleeding, an I vas able to remove all da buckshot. "What's the bad news?", asks Lyle. "The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena. "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked - "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth. Screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next" A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly - "A basketball coach?"
This is too true to be funny. The next time you hear a politician use the Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, But one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases. A.A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B.A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C.A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D.A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E.A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate our government is spending it. While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans ...It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division. Louisiana Senator,Mary Landrieu (D)was asking Congress for250 BILLION DOLLARS To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number... What does it mean? A.Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman and child) You each get $516,528 B. Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets$1,329,787. C. Or... If you are a family of four... Your family gets$2,066,012. Washington, D.C. HELLO! Are all your calculators broken?? Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax (Fed) Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service charge Taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax (Truckers) Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax (And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes) STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago... And our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt We had the largest middle class And Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What happened? Can you spell 'politicians! And I still have to Press '1' For English. I hope this goes aroundtheUSA Atleast 100 times What the heck has happened to our Country?
For those with a good sense of humor... Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." ~~~~~ My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine. ~~~~~ Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~~~~~ Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. ~~~~~ The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. ~~~~~ God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. ~~~~~ I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. ~~~~~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error. ~~~~~ The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" ~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~~~~~
Only in Massachusetts could this have happened. Better training of the "look out bird" is the answer!!!! ( Do not even try to hide the fact that you laughed ! LOL ) Hey, I get em , I send em, I don’t make em up!