Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck can cook a three minute egg in two minutes. but he don't cook. Chuck can get laid playing a flute. And he can't play the flut....... wait. Of course he can, Why he's, he's Chuck Norris. Chuck has memorized all items at CVS just for the hell of it. He actually kicked ass and took names yesterday. He swims out in the Carribbean and rescues Cuban refugees for the exercise. Chuck Norris laughs at Nutmeg's stuff.
booyah chuck norris. I paid for a gym membership each month but refuse to exercise on the grounds that my money is already attending the gym and that should be enough. I cannot endure any degree of physical trauma beyond that of sneezing, and even that often leaves me winded and in need of consoling. I'll be back....
Once when I went to six flags and there was a scary ride. I read the warning signs out loud and reminded my friends that I once had motion sickness on a ferry to France in a Force 10 gale and I cannot risk it again. Flashbacks, ya know.
A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he sat down. Nutmeg stood very cautiously and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
An American Sightseerer is walking along the Thames River. A pretty passerby has her skirt blown over her head by a gust of wind. Embarrased, but wanting to say something, our bloke says, "Airy! Isn't it." "I should say so, " says the Bird." What do the girls in America have? Feathers?"
Derriere, France (Rueters) -The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".
Why write 'em when people live 'em???? because, you know, everytime I get caught in a whorehouse, and especially the times when it's my wife's shift, I want to be quoted in the paper. Print | Close this window What are you doing here? - man asks wife at brothel Wed Jan 9, 2008 12:29pm EST WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town. "I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper Wednesday. The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported. (Writing by Chris Borowski, Editing by Matthew Jones) © Reuters 2007. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content, including by caching, framing or similar means, is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters and the Reuters sphere logo are registered trademarks and trademarks of the Reuters group of companies around the world. Reuters journalists are subject to the Reuters Editorial Handbook which requires fair presentation and disclosure of relevant interests.
At the retirement village, Sadie meets Al, the new guy. They dance, they knosh....... After a while, it turns to conversation. "So, Al, tell me about yourself". "Well, I just got out of prison after forty years. I got so upset with my wife one day, I stabbed her fifteen times, then shot her." "So, .......... you're single???" I type a hell of joke, don't I????
There once was a hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She smelled like shit, And was missing a tit. But think of the money he saved.