Dear Abby My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies . I know he`s cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his daughters. I know because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and big bottom turn him off! Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him, Abby? Your advice would be appreciated ..... Mad as Hell Dear Mad as Hell You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p. Don`t resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, and try to act like a lady! Remember ......you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it!
be sure to read at the bottom of the photo. To my darling husband, Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the Small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too Much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I Accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when It bumped into your car I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will Forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX P.S. Your girlfriend called.
Subject: The Clock A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.' 'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?' 'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. 'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?' St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.' 'Where's Hilary Clinton's clock?' asked the man. St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'
During college, I worked on a conveyor belt. One day, I was on a blind date, and she asked me about my job. “I work at the end of a belt,” I said. With an ebullient smile, she asked, “Are you the buckle?”