Forex money manager walks along the street and very nice young lady asks him: Lady: Dear sir, I'm making poll, can I ask you simple question? Manager: Of course you can. Lady: What is your average income? Manager: My average income is around $200,000 . Lady: I'm sorry, I mean your monthly income. Manager: I'm sorry, I thought you meant dayly.
... Lady: I'm sorry. I mean your monthly income. Manager: Oh. Zero. I thought you meant on my paper account if the central bank had raised interest rates like they were supposed to.
Someone at Google has a good sense of humor. Read the search box on this https://www.google.com/search?q=dick+pics&biw=1920&bih=915&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwinhrXqjYrKAhVGRiYKHWXQD-IQ_AUIBigB
At the bar.... Lady: What would you do if you had a million bucks? Manager: Wonder where my other 99 million went.
An elderly couple reaching their 70s are about to get married, but before they say their vows, the woman wanted to talk. She said: "I want to keep my house." He said: "That's fine with me." She said: "I want to keep my Cadillac." He said: "That's fine with me." She said: "And I want to have sex 6 times a week." He said: "Put me down for Fridays."
Irish Airline Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.” When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.” Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."
Subject: Fwd: The Italian Mother Mrs. Carlo comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, Mama, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.'' About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I haven't been able to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email: Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son, Anthony A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Your Loving Mama Moral: Never Bull Shitta you Mama!
THE YEAR IS 1915 This will boggle your mind! The year is 1915 – One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1915: The average life expectancy for men was 47 years. Fuel for cars was sold in drug stores only. Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower . The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour. The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year .. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year. A dentist $2,500 per year. A veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year. And, a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year. More than 95 percent of all births took place at home … Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard." Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound. Most women only washed their hair once a month, and, used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo. Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason. The Five leading causes of death were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2.Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. . StrokeThe American flag had 45 stars ... The population of Las Vegas , Nevada was only 30. Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet. There was neither a Mother's Day nor a Father's Day. Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write And, only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach, bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health!" (Shocking?) Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help... There were about 230 ‘reported’ murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. ! I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself. From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD all in a matter of seconds! It is impossible to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.