Jokes 2

fhl · Oct 10, 2015

fhl · Oct 10, 2015

fhl · Oct 10, 2015

OddTrader · Oct 10, 2015

Yannis said:
Or, It Could Go Like This:

One day, this OTHER guy is sitting in this bar taking his merry time. All of a sudden he's startled by three men with democrat badges giving cheers, saying, "Two and a half, two and a half!!" He just ignores them and continues to drink.

About 5 minutes later, the men again say, "Two and a half, two and a half!!"

At this, the guy then walks over and asks them why they keep saying, "Two and a half, two and a half!!"

The men respond, "Well, two and a half years ago we went to the supermarket and bought this jigsaw puzzle, which we just finished putting together! Considering that on the side of the box it said 3-5 years... we are happy, like when we got our stinking obamaphones!!"

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"After keeping the box wrapped for two and a half years, we finally started playing it only today! LOL! "

Humpy · Oct 11, 2015

I suppose it was a Democrat who painted above the door of the reptile house in their local zoo - Republican House

Humpy · Oct 11, 2015

OddTrader said:
"After keeping the box wrapped for two and a half years, we finally started playing it only today! LOL! "
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Not sure OddTrader has quite got the joke ? But I could be wrong.

Yannis · Oct 11, 2015

OK guys, my bad, time for a new joke... Anybody?

OddTrader · Oct 11, 2015

http://www.elitetrader.com/et/index.php?threads/is-god-mute.292671/page-43

OddTrader said:
God wants everyone goes to the heaven.

Round one:

A God's PA standing at the gate of the heaven: "Everybody lines up on my right-hand side will go to the heaven! So don't line up on my left-hand side, Please!"

However, there's only one single guy standing firmly on the left-hand side of the PA. Then only the poor guy, Mr A, was sent to the hell!

The puzzled PA: "Why did you line up on the wrong side?"

The poor guy (Mr A): "My wife told me so!"

Round two:

This time the PA learned a good lesson from the poor guy in round one.

PA: "Everybody lines up on my right-hand side will go to the heaven! And everyone who follows wife's instructions should also line up on my right-hand side, and go to the heaven! So Please, Please do not line up on my left-hand side!"

Again, there's only one single guy still standing firmly on the PA's left-hand side. Then only this poor guy, Mr B, was sent to the hell!!!

The puzzled PA: "Why did you line up on the wrong side?"

The poor guy (Mr B): "My wife told me so!"
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OddTrader · Oct 11, 2015

Yannis said:
AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees!' 'What powerful rivers!' 'What beautiful animals!' he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!'

Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, an angel appeared: 'You deny His existence for all these years, teach others He doesn't exist and even credit creation to some cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?' 'Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?'

'Very well', said the angel. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty ... "

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gwb-trading · Oct 11, 2015

A tiger attacks your mother-in-law and wife at the same time. Whom do you save?

The tiger, of course, they are endangered.