I was in Florida and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read 'I miss Detroit'. So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that reads 'I hope this helps'.
Every wonder why Mayberry was so peaceful ....nobody was married. Singles included:Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara... In fact, the only one married was Otis and he was the town drunk.
Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
The US is very competitive and likes coming top. Well doesn't sound too bad until you realize what the league tables were :- 1. Peeing in the hotel pool. 2. Stealing items from the hotel such as towels. tut tut
A son asked his programmer Dad how was he born... "Daddy, how as I born?" "Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as Dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of use had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the deleted button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story."
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows." "We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" ask the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"