A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner. "What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked. "That's his trunk, honey," Mom replied. "No, that other thing," Johnny insisted. "Oh, you must be looking at his tail," Mom offered. "No, Mommy, that big thing underneath him, by his belly," Johnny said. Realizing her son was asking about the elephant's penis, Mom got embarassed. "Oh, that's nothing, sweetie. Daddy went to get some popcorn. When he comes back, he can tell you all about the elephants." Soon, Dad came back with popcorn, and Mom went to use the restroom. Johnny took the opportunity to question his father. "What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Daddy?" "That's his trunk, son," Dad said. "No, Daddy, not his trunk, and not his tail. I mean that big thing underneath, by his belly," Johnny repeated. "Oh, that," Dad said. "That's his penis, Johnny." "Huh," mused the five year old. "Mommy said that was nothing." "Son," sighed Dad, "I've spoiled that woman."
Here’s The HILARIOUS Difference Between Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton Although we do try to report on hard-hitting issues, we’re not above a few good laughs at the expense of far-left nut jobs like Hillary Clinton. Here’s an amazing anecdote about the difference between a conservative and liberal, attributed to Jim Spivey on Facebook. It sums everything up perfectly: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.Trump gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job.He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help.She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office.She then reached into Trump’s pocket and got out $20.She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.00. Now, do you understand the difference between a Conservative and a Liberal progressive?
A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He was in his mid nineties. He was very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, and smelling slightly of a good after shave. He presented a very well looked after image. Seated at the bar was an elderly, really classy looking lady, (mid eighties). The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits along side her. He orders a drink. He takes a sip.He slowly turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
You need to be able to remember the era to really enjoy this.... It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell. "Oh, come on in!", Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?", she asked. "Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..." "Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him. "Is that so?", asked Fred, incredulous. "Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!" "Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening. "Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left. Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her... "The TWIST, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "THE DAMN DANCE IS CALLED THE TWIST!!
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact Change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries And a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and Pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket And places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your Pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp.. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had To pay for anything, I would just put my hand In my pocket and the right amount of money Would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people Would ask for a Million Dollars or something, But you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," Says the man. The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."
AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees!' 'What powerful rivers!' 'What beautiful animals!' he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out: 'Oh my God!' Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, an angel appeared: 'You deny His existence for all these years, teach others He doesn't exist and even credit creation to some cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?' 'Am I to count you as a believer?' The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?' 'Very well', said the angel. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty ... "