Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Handle123

    Handle123

    Before You put your Camel to Bed..
    An Insightful Observation of Tolerance
    Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario, says:
    "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."
    "That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other, a topless bar, would be called "You Mecca Me Hot."
    "Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq of Ribs."
    "Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods", and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."
    "All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us."
    Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point... It is either past your bedtime, or its midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.
     
    #13101     Jul 17, 2015
    FCXoptions likes this.
  2. At the after ESPY award party celebrations, Bruce Jenner was drunk and started raging at what quite obviously was a man, dressed as a woman, thinking the man was purposely dressed that way to mock and embarrass him at the party. Until he realized he was in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror.
     
    #13102     Jul 18, 2015
  3. Handle123

    Handle123

    - GREEK BAILOUT -
    It is a slow day in a little Greek Village . The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
    On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through thevillage, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk,telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in orderto pick one to spend the night.
    The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to payhis debt to the butcher.
    The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay hisdebt to the pig farmer.
    The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at thesupplier of feed and fuel.
    The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay hisdrinks bill at the tavern.
    The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking atthe bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him"services" on credit.
    The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to thehotel owner with the €100 note.
    The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter sothe rich traveller will not suspect anything.
    At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money,and leaves town.
    No one produced anything.
    No one earned anything.
    However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the futurewith a lot more optimism.
    And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works
     
    #13103     Jul 18, 2015
    Yannis likes this.
  4. Handle123

    Handle123


    [​IMG]
     
    #13104     Jul 19, 2015
    FortuneTeller and FCXoptions like this.
  5. Handle123

    Handle123

    Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women
    Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women


    And here we go...
    #10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
    #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
    #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
    #7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
    #6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
    #5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
    #4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
    #3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
    #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
    And the Number One reason
    Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....


    #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun
     
    #13105     Jul 20, 2015
  6. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    [​IMG]
     
    #13106     Jul 20, 2015
  7. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    "Bruce Jenner got $25k for speaking engagements. Caitlyn gets $100k. What wage gap?"
     
    #13107     Jul 20, 2015
    Alpha Trader likes this.
  8. gwb-trading

    gwb-trading

    "A market sell-off is worse than divorce. I lose half of my money, but my wife is still around."
     
    #13108     Jul 20, 2015
  9. Handle123

    Handle123

    You think the handheld missile launcher is too big? Maybe the scope was built for dinosaur?
     
    #13109     Jul 20, 2015
  10. Handle123

    Handle123

     
    #13110     Jul 21, 2015