Japanese Sex Fight A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex: Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka!" Wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!" Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!" Wife on her knees literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!" Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji...miaou, miaou, miaou!!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can’t believe you are there trying to read this, you don’t know Japanese. You'll read anything as long as it’s about sex ... You need serious help! I worry about you.
"I've outlived my dick." A Poem - by Willie Nelson (maybe) My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, Just to find the friggin thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues. To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!!
A wife said to her husband, "Honey, would you have married me if I hadn't inherited all that money from my father?" The husband replied, "Baby, of course I would have. It didn't make any difference to me who you inherited that money from."
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. Sporting a big smile, She walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other. Very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?" The worker yelled back, “’Cause his Mom's here with his lunch."
Hey, did you hear about that blind woman that got raped last week just a few doors down from your house? She couldn't see to save her ass.
Getting Old Is So Fun ~ ~ ~ Just before the funeral services, the undertaker Came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '96,' she replied: 'Two years younger than me' 'So you're 98,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Not hardly worth going home, is it?' ~ ~ ~ Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing About being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' ~ ~ ~ I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license. ~ ~ ~ An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and Told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.' ~ ~ ~ My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ~ ~ ~ Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. ~ ~ ~ It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker. ~ ~ ~ These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' ~ ~ ~ THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference.