More Aphorisms 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don't have a sense of humour you probably don't have any sense at all. 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? 9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job. 10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car. 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m - for example, it could be the right number. 13. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning. 14. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap. 15. Be careful about reading the fine print - there's no way you're going to like it. 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. 17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? 18. Money can't buy happiness but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Ford. 19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead. 20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind and the ones that mind don't matter. 21. Life isn't tied with a bow but it's still a gift. And REMEMBER.... "POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams “It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." George Burns "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
DEAR ADVICE BABE: Most days my girlfriend heads out to hang with Jim for an hour or two, sporting tight clothes. She comes back tired, sweaty, hot and out of breath. Should I worry?