Laws Of Nature Law of Mechanical Repair- After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. Law of Public Speaking -- REMEMBER: A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it! Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But, don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap... AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd charged with attempting to have 2 men killed http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/05/world/asia/acdc-phil-rudd-hitman-charge/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.' The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party.'
A husband went to the police station to report his missing wife: Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home. Sergeant : What is her height ? Husband : Oh, 5 something . . . Sergeant : Build? Husband : Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant : Color of eyes? Husband : Never noticed. Sergeant : Color of hair? Husband : Changes according to season. Sergeant : What was she wearing? Husband : Ah, ah, blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly. Sergeant : Did she go in a car? Husband : yes. Sergeant : What kind of car was it? Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.……………. at this point the husband started crying... Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car .
I encourage everyone to talk to their children about drugs. They might have better connections than you.