Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to Lance Corporals. Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in." "But we’re only privates," protests Paddy. "We’re Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside. "Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we're privates," says Paddy. "You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We're Lance Corporals now!" So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lasses comes up to Mick. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what Gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up. Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. Mick says to Paddy, "Why did you give me the thumbs up?" "Well Mick, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhea affects only the privates and we're Lance Corporals now! "
I got an email from a KENYAN prince who wants to give me FREE healthcare for life! All I have to do is give him MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, my BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS, andMY CONFIDENTIAL HEALTH INFORMATION so he can make it happen! Am I lucky or what?
In church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you: " Dear Lord: The last year has been very tough. You have taken my favorite actor - James Garner; my favorite actress -Lauren Bacall; my favorite Comedian - Robin Williams, and finally, my favorite author -Tom Clancy. I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are – Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. Amen