I was in the restroom at Cracker Barrel yesterday and someone had put this sticker on the hand dryer unit.
Things I Learned Living In The South A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's ever seen before. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart... It is a buggy! Jawl-P? Means, did you all go to the bathroom? People actually grow, eat and like okra. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. You don't PUSH buttons... You MASH 'em. Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal. You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, But it requires 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr. (first name). You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. You know what a hissy fit is... Fried catfish is the other white meat. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
OK, pick on the south. I'll grin and bear it. But I'm going to clear some things up: Mash is northern. It's not southern. It goes along with sack (to put your groceries in) and pop (soda). NOBODY in the south uses Tobasco. That stuff is garbage. I was eating frog legs with folks from New Orleans and they say nobody there uses it either. Tobasco Chipotle is ok but their straight up pepper sauce is garbage. It's very common for people to make their own hot sauces and also to try some of the lesser known brands in the stores. Want to try something good? Look for Everglades seasoning in your grocery store. It's a white round cannister about 6" tall with green printing on it. Use it VERY lightly because it is potent. It's made about 25 miles from where I am. OK, since I'm posting in the jokes thread, I owe you a joke. Let me think... ... ok here goes: A bear and a rabbit meet up in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit "Everyone knows a bear shits in the woods, but where do you shit?" Rabbit says "In the woods." Bear says "Doesn't it bother you to have shit on your fur?" Rabbit says "Not at all." Bear says "Great!" as he picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Please enter your new password: "cabbage" Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. "boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. "1 boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. "50bloodyboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. "50BLOODYboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. "50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss, IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessnow Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessnow Sorry, that password is already in use.
Sex & Calories They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the heck runs 8 miles in 2 minutes?
Have no idea where to post this, but I like it. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d1WGqLoDki0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>