Jokes 2

A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?"

He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of the week!"

 

A story about Mahatma Gandhi

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their "arguments" were very common.

One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor, in his arrogance, said, "Mr Gandhi: you do not understand... a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat ", to which Gandhi replies, "You do not worry professor, I'll fly away ", and he went and sat at another table.

Mr. Peters, green of rage, decides to take revenge on the next test, but Gandhi responds brilliantly to all questions. Then, Mr. Peters asked him the following question, "Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one will you take?"

Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "the one with the money, of course".

Mr. Peters, smiling, said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don't you think?"

"Each one take what one doesn't have", responded Gandhi indifferently.

Mr. Peters, already hysterical, writes on the exam sheet the word "idiot" and gives it to Gandhi. Gandhi takes the exam sheet and sits down. A few minutes later, Gandhi goes to the professor and says, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

 

Hey, great stuff, take a look at page 2084

 

OMG what a great Headline!!

MAY 10, 2014 4:00 AM
Charlie Crist: An Oxymoron (with a Silent ‘Oxy’)
The former governor’s “core beliefs” consist of whatever will get him elected.
By Jonah Goldberg

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/377658/charlie-crist-oxymoron-silent-oxy-jonah-goldberg

 

Oops, yeah, it is much too recent a duplication to be worthy of a re read. :eek:

Thanks for confirming any wife's greatest fear; some slippage in cognitive functions in their spouses' older age.

 

I hear you brother, it's some kind of slippage alright, been there myself: married 38 years and still love her

 

Cheers- you have a few on me. Married in 1981 and still the lucky guy,.

I do continually try to keep this bond secure by saying yes often and keeping her diet plenty rich in :

 

Why do gays keep going to the their local gas stations and say " fill me up "

:eek:

 

Overused pickup line in a gay bar:

"Would you like me to push in your stool?"

 

Once upon a time a man proposed to a lady.
She said "No!"

They lived happily ever after.