Jokes 2

too soon?

 

That stupid advert should lose a lot of customers imho

 

LOL!

Not quite as good a job as being a binnaum, not good none-the-less.

 

The plane in the "ad" is an A380.

 

A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'


'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'

The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch? ''What's so special about it?'

The pilot explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

The woman giggles and replies, 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The pilot smiles, taps his watch and says ' damn thing's an hour fast!'

 

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue .
Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."




Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light,
I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

 

I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

After some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.

 

"So what if only 70% of Millennials believe in a God. That’s still more than believe in a full-time job."

 

WSJ.com

"Russia's president said he hoped not to send Russian troops into Ukraine but didn't rule it out, accusing the Kiev government of committing "a serious crime" by using the military to quell unrest."

 

Useful chart for some, too late for some others.