The Battle Of Two Cellos <iframe width="640" height="390" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/uT3SBzmDxGk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Impressive Yannis. Reminded of this one... <iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/glru4Q19Jyc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
During my brief career as a priest, I was getting ready for my first mass. I was so nervous I could hardly speak. After watching a veteran fly through his mass, I asked the monsignor for advice about nervousness. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday I took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, I became nervous and took a drink. I then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to my office after mass I found the following note on on my desk: Sip the vodka, don't gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. We do not refer to the cross as the big T! When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say ,"Eat me." The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the cherry." The recommended grace before a meal is not:"Rub-Adub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God." Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. Pack up your stuff and get out!
No matter what Isaac the husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.' They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. 'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.' Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!'
Illusionist Doing A Sex Change <iframe width="640" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/i5gK2MxGR0M?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Makes You Wonder Why a wrong number is never busy. Why the third hand on a watch is called the second hand. How to get off of a non-stop flight. If this is really Phillip's screw driver. If killing time damages eternity. If you can buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop...