Last year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... This year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Man, JB, you're so freakin' mean! Are you the guy who pulled a ten-pound bugger out of his nose, and, trying to eat it, his head collapsed?
Family budgie dies so wifey goes to the pet shop for a new one. She notices a really nice parrot (beautiful plumage) which is on offer for same price as a budgie. The assistant points out that the reduced price is due the parrot having previously lived in a brothel but on the other hand he is a very good talker. Wifey decides it's a bargain & takes the parrot home. Gets home, takes off the cage cover and immediately the parrot starts talking: "New place I see - very nice". The woman's two daughters come to observe the performance; parrot comments "2 new girls as well then". Just then her husband walks in, to which the parrot says " Hello Dave, nice to see you again ".
This should pick things up around here a bit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO7MWuJ7zLA waitforit= :24 enjoy with a butter beer..?
Nutmeg is : a. Dead b. Born Again c. Become a Monk d. Is a dead monk e. Scouring the web for jokes to steal f. All of the above
Bastard always thought of only himself. Now , where do we go for disgustingly filthy nonsensical humor? I wonder if Don Bright is hiring?