<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/0q_uLzEljo8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Apparently Scientists have created Anti rape pants. Which is what we used to call my father's sister.
"Once you've jacked off to Japanese girls puking on each other and putting live eels in their vaginas you really cant go back to Playboy" -Shakespeare
A guy wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office, But she was dating someone else. One day Don got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you". The girl looked at him and then said, " NO!" Don said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boy friend says, "Ask him for $200 and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down. Then give me a call." She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"
Mayor Ford in Toronto keeps pouring out the comedy gold. Not a day goes by without another revelation. Today's Quote: Ford then shocked reporters when he went on to refute the alleged sexual advance. The woman "said I wanted to eat her pây," Ford said before cameras. "Iâve never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I'm happily married. I've got more than enough to eat at home." http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toron...ks-says-he-s-getting-health-support-1.2426060
HOW TO START A FIGHT One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered.. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ______________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant....The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... _______________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "Oh my!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." Then the fight started. The doctor says I will walk again, but I'll always have a limp.
<iframe width="640" height="390" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5748lK9HpOg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>