I know a guy that was in Iraq and he survived both mustard gas and pepper spray. He's now classified as a seasoned veteran.
Friend of mine was fired from an orange juice plant. I asked him what happened. He said he couldn't concentrate.
John Kerry says there is 'irrefutable and alarming evidence' that climate change is coming from the north pole'. I think he's just saying that so the Obama administration can declare war on Santa Claus.
Ten Things To Say When A Cop Pulls You Over 10. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 9. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum. 8. You must have been doing 125 to keep up with me.....good job. 7. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. 5. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand. 4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer. 3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. 2. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? 1. My wife left me for a traffic cop last week... and when I saw your lights and heard your siren I thought you were trying to return her!
Smart Irish Mike A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in here somewhere - you're smart, you tell me." "That there is," replied Irish Mike...."just remember never to book a judge by his cover."