A man walking on a sandy beach came across a beautiful woman buried up to her neck with her clothes in a pile beside her. "Can you help me?" pleaded the woman. "If I dig you out, what´s in it for me?" grinned the man. "Sand." she replied.
Three former Presidents at a gathering are swept up in a tornado and taken to the Land of Oz where they appear before the Great Wizard. Jimmy Carter steps up, "Oh Great Wizard, I need courage." G. W. Bush steps forward, "I need brains." Bill Clinton then strides up, "Where's Dorothy?"
From The Mouths Of Babes One Sunday in a Midwest City a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little boy called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
A bar walks into a man. The bartender says, "That's it! Abar, watch where you are going you dopey muslim cunt."
Another Golden Oldie ·I changed the name of my iPod to Titanic because it's syncing now. ·I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. ·When chemists die, they barium. ·Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. ·A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. ·I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time he wants to. ·How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. ·I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. ·This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. ·I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. ·I saw a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. ·They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. ·A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ·PMS jokes aren't funny, period. ·Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. ·Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz. ·The Energizer bunny was arrested and charged with battery. ·I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. ·Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? ·When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. ·What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. ·I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! ·Broken pencils are pointless. ·What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. ·England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. ·I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. ·I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. ·All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. ·I took a low paying job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. ·Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. ·Velcro - what a rip off! ·Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. ·Venison for dinner? Oh deer! ·Earthquake in Washington... obviously the government's fault!