Jokes 2

"Everyone I know has a big but'

--- P.W. Herman

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Do you guys get this sort of stuff popping up while browsing ?

 

I see you spotted one of my mom's ads.

 

First of all, - just for some background: My Mum died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

stay tuned....

j/k

 

This happens everytime I start talking about mom. Here's a clip of mom from the movies.

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I wanna be elected president, learn the truth about the aliens at Roswell, then resign.

 

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over ten million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh . . . no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says, "So. . . if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

 

I don't have that much money. In fact, all the money I do make I end up giving away to Charity.

It's a funny name for a stripper but she works hard for it.

 

My Wife thinks that Gay Men are totally useless.

But I'm sure the one living next door comes in Andy sometimes .

 

Black unicorns do not have the biggest horns.
That's a myth.