So Pope Frank is doing a crossword puzzle. He pencils in some letters, gets a puzzled look on his face and looks at a nearby cardinal. "Say, what's a 4 letter word, clue is 'woman', ends in U-N-T?" "That's easy," replies the cardinal. "Aunt." "Oh yeah," says the Pope. "Would you happen to have an eraser?"
The new pope's first words today after the white smoke appeared were "I've been elected what?' or were they "Has anyone seen the stash I brought with me from South America?"
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Looks like i'm on my own and can be with the guys today. The girl i've been seeing the last three years is busy getting her driver's license today.
Ace Hardware has a deal today if you can get there by 10am. They're giving out batteries free of charge.
Umbongo, a Kenya refugee, has been in America for two months and decides to call his cousin back home in Kenya. "It's great here", he explains. "I go to a place called the pub and we play this game where we throw funny little spears at a round target with numbers on it and I keep winning lots of money." "What's the game called?" asks his cousin. "Not sure", replies Umbongo. "But I think it's called 'Fuckin Black Bastard".
My wife called me a procrastinator. " I'll deal with her later!" (just checking out how those make me feel)
I don't know if i'll ever actually run into any cannibals, but i had a "best if eaten by 1975" tatoo put on by back just in case.