Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Humpy

    Humpy

    Lance :- I had a bike
     
    #11341     Jan 22, 2013
  2. Yannis

    Yannis

    Aren't Scots Romantic?

    <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dYslhL71k1M?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    :) :) :) :) :)
     
    #11342     Jan 22, 2013
  3. Yannis

    Yannis

    Obscure Engineering Conversion Factors

    1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
    2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
    3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
    4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
    5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
    6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
    7. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
    8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
    9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
    10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
    11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
    12. Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
    13. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
    14. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
    15. 1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen
    16. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

    :) :) :)
     
    #11343     Jan 22, 2013
  4. Yannis

    Yannis

    Another Funny Oldie

    I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

    I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

    I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

    I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

    I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

    I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

    Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

    One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!


    :) :) :)
     
    #11344     Jan 22, 2013
  5. fhl

    fhl

    I saw two 10 yr old boys sharing a cigarette. I was shocked and upset so i gave them some money so they could each have a pack.
     
    #11345     Jan 22, 2013
  6. fhl

    fhl

    Nothing says "I made it half-way to the American dream and gave up" like above-ground pools.
     
    #11346     Jan 22, 2013
  7. Humpy

    Humpy

    I keep suggesting giving the Taliban as many Big Macs and packets of smokes as they like, so they too can die young of heart disease and lung cancer like in the West. I mean you don't see many 30 stone giant jellies in Afghanistan do you ?
     
    #11347     Jan 22, 2013
  8. Yannis

    Yannis

    Male On The Left, Talkative Female On The Right

    "My dear, I don't really give a damn!!!"

    [​IMG]

    :) :) :)
     
    #11348     Jan 24, 2013
  9. My wife asked me what I'd do if she died.

    I said, "Depends, how did you die?"

    She replied, "Car accident."

    "I would probably say 'I told you so' first."
     
    #11349     Jan 24, 2013
  10. Yannis

    Yannis

    Can you name this strange old tool?!!!

    [​IMG]

    Thought you would enjoy this educational moment in American history. Can you name this strange old tool? Do you know what it is? Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s - 1810s) The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient's rectum for various medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

    A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke towards the rectum. The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration. Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase, blowing smoke up your ass.

    Amazingly, it is still in constant use in Washington D.C. , by the best senators and representatives money can buy.

    :) :) :)
     
    #11350     Jan 25, 2013