Remember "Yo Mama" One Liners? Yo Mama is so poor she can't afford to pay attention. Yo Mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list! Yo Mama so poor, she has to get up in the middle of the night and bark herself! Yo Mama is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale. Yo Mama is so fat, when she told me her weight I thought it was her phone number. Yo Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will be extinct. Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea World! Yo Mama is so fat, that she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box. Yo Mama is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear ''Caution! Wide Turns!'' Yo Mama is so fat, a bus drove by and she said, ''Stop that Twinkie!'' Yo Mama is so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and a helicopter landed on her. Yo Mama is so fat, she took up pages 41, 42 and 43 in her school yearbook. Yo Mama is so fat, when you walk around her you get lost. Yo Mama is so fat, when she has sex, she has to give directions! Yo Mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook! Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big, doesn't smell very good, and it's only a dollar to ride. Yo Mama is so stupid, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR! Yo Mama is so stupid that she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind. Yo Mama is so stupid, she stuck the phone up her butt and thought she was makin' a booty call. Yo Mama is so stupid, she has a glass door with a peep hole. Yo Mama is so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. Yo Mama's armpits are so hairy, she looks like she got Don King in a headlock! Yo Mama's underwear is so crusty, she put Betty Crocker out of business. Yo Mama is so ugly, she looked in the mirror and her reflection ducked. Yo Mama is so old, when I told her to act her age she died.
My seven-year-old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I was recovering from surgery and spent most of the day in bed. I told him the TV was my boyfriend and he entertained me all the time. The TV set was old and would just shut itself off for no reason. I'd give it a few hard whacks on the side and it would come back on. The pastor stopped by to check on my recovery and my son answered the door. At that time I was trying to get the TV to come back on. The pastor asked my son if I was busy. My little one said, "No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq5XgLiz6F8&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUjJz-Gxq8k&NR=1 When I was kid, you got the cartoon short before the movie. Buy your own corn, you cheap sons of b-b-b-b- --b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b- guns.
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A cannibal was walking through the Amazon jungle and came upon a restaurant >operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu. > > Tourist: $5 > > Broiled Missionary: $10.00 > > Fried Explorer:$15.00 > > Baked or Grilled Politicians: $100.00 > > The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price > difference for the politicians?" > > The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of chit, it takes all morning."
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? 1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. 3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! 4. Rottweiler: Make me. 5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. 6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! 7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. 8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. 9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb! 10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. 11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb." 12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? 13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... 14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. How many cats does it take to change a light bulb? Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
So this kid comes in for an interview I tell him, "In this job we need someone who is responsible." and he says to me "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible." I told him that "I'm the one who tells the jokes around here." We chatted a bit, he got up and said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.
I do so hope you get the help you need. speaking of executing the insane, Bobby Slaton, the pitbull of comedy says,.... "They're crazy, they killed somebody. Put 'em in the electric chair, tell 'em it's a ride."
The joys of outsourcing I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal .... They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.